True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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