you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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