I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
