we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
