Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
where are you?
Hypothermia
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
