Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize
