can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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