I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
