she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
