I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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