Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
