Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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