She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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