I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
