If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
