I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
