please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
