you have to choose: penises or morals?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
