Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
