She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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