I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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