I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
