I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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