we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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