When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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