now i know why i became what i already was.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
