alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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