3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
