Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
