sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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