Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
