I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
