He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We left an ass print on the piano.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
