this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
