he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
