Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
what day is it and did you see me today?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
