I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
