hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
