we're chasing vodka with high fives
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I did not marry a roomba.
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