Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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