you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
