I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
