My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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