Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
