These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
