I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
