Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
