but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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