I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
