i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
