so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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