don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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